So last week, Leila Nathaniel and I got to chatting about how cool it would be to work at the spy agency ISIS from the show Archer. This, naturally, led to a discussion of what it would be like of Brendan & Brendan was ISIS, and who would be who. Mature, right? I know!
Of course, in the process, we noticed that (1) Brendan & Brendan doesn’t have enough team members to fill out the cast of Archer, and (2) none of us are quite as quirky, cool, or sociopathic as the show’s regular line-up. I mean, c’mon, they’re animated international spies who get to defy protocol and the laws of probability at every twist, and you can’t really run a marketing agency that way — well, at least not if you want to hold on to clients.
So we had to set out two parameters if we were successfully going to complete the spreadsheet that correlates Archer characters with people from around the office (yes, there was a spreadsheet. First, we had to expand our pool for candidates from just B&B team members to service providers (such as Mo and myself), as well as the MTL Blog team (who shares office space with us). Second, we had to find only one salient parallel between someone from the office and an Archer character (because as interesting as a few more parallels would be in someone, they’d probably be cause for concern, too).
Leila Nathaniel is Cheryl Tunt
I’m starting out with Leila not only because she helped me put this post together (and found all the pics), but because she actually inspired the conversation that inspired this post. I noticed a few weeks ago that Leila will say things in a way that sound exactly how Cheryl (a.k.a. Carol, a.k.a. Charlene) says them. Same intonation, same pitch. She has that same kind of aloof enthusiasm that makes Cheryl the unexpectedly quirky and charming member of the ISIS team that she is.
Beth Thouin is Malory Sterling
Now, we nominated Beth as Malory for more reasons than just being a managing partner here at Brendan & Brendan. She’s also the house mama-bear and she likes to try to call all the shots with her business partners. It’s just too bad that she doesn’t drink or have enough of a promiscuous past to measure up to that silver vixen, but I guess she has years to catch up.
Brendan Sera-Shriar (a.k.a. digibomb) is Ron Cadillac
So, it’s kinda awkward giving one of Brendan & Brendan’s two founders and namesakes such a secondary character from the show, but like the car dealership baron, Digi is definitely the biggest mover and shaker around (the office, that is). But he’s also always in the background criticizing people (out of love, of course), and he argues with Beth like they’re a married couple (which I love having an excuse to mention somewhere public, like this blog).
CT Moore is Sterling Archer
Now, I never intended to be so presumptuous as to assume the lead role (or at least the show’s namesake) for myself, but when Leila and I were having trouble nominating someone for the role, I naturally accepted when she suggested that it should be me. At first I thought it was ’cause of my charm, good looks, and uncanny ability to perform under either extreme pressure (or the influence), but it turns out that it was because she thinks I’m unabashedly vain, but still kinda smart. Whatever, I guess I’ll take it because now I have an excuse to wear black turtle necks.
Natalie Solomon (from MTL Blog) is Lana Kane
So, I know it’s a bit of a stretch to nominate a cute blonde girl as the large-handed-mocha-warrior-princess, but as Leila pointed out, she’s kind of a bad-ass mouthy biatch. No, seriously, I mean it. Natalie is not only a sass-box, but is also the wordsmith behind a poop-load of MTL Blog’s virally-infectious-clickbait.
Dan Delmar is Cyril Figgis
One of the fine people share desk space here in the Brendan & Brendan office is Dan Delmar of Provocateur Communications. We didn’t nominate him as Cyril Figgis, though, because he’s desperately lovesick for Lana Kane. No, that’s not the case, at all. Rather, Dan gets to be our Cyril because he’s super duper nice, practical, and intelligent.
Brendan Tully Walsh is Ray Gillette
It’s kinda strange taking the other Brendan & Brendan founder and namesake and equating him with a paraplegic spy with a redneck upbringing and drug dealer brother. But when you consider that he gets a lot of shit from everyone despite that he’s really good at what he does, it’s kinda a no-brainer.
Queeny Marie-Noche is Pam Poovey
At a complete loss for someone to fill the role of a cocaine addicted, pit fighting, HR girl, we settled on Queeny, MTL Blog’s event coordinator. Why you may ask? Well, because she’s kinda of an unappreciated linchpin in the sense that her role is indispensable to their business model, but she’s way more behind-the-scenes than in the limelight.
Moniba Ali is Doctor Krieger
It’s also kinda hard to gloss over how I’m drawing a parallel between a mad scientist who’s supposed to be a “genetically identical clone of Adolf Hitler,” and a brown-skinned young lady with a Muslim last name. But the thing about Moni is that, as the team’s main integrator, she’s the closest thing we have to a mad scientist. Besides, she’s crafty as f*ck and she kinda has her own hologram girlfriend.
Also, every now and then she gets that cray-cray look in her eye that Krieger gets whenever he’s excited about some kind of geeky idea. I’m not kidding; it kinda creeps me out.
Chuck Lapointe is Barry Dylan
So, we didn’t nominate the CEO of MTL Blog as Barry Dylan because he’s one of my (i.e. Archer’s) rivals who’s been a constant pain in my ass and stole my wicked hot Russian spy girlfriend. Rather, it’s ’cause the works like a f*cking cyborg. I mean, seriously, you have to see this guy hustle. If he’s not on the phone, he’s chairing a meeting, and when he’s not actually speaking, he’s typing furiously. I can’t even begin to count just how often he’s still plugging away when I leave the office late at night. It’s kinda inspiring in that way that makes you inadequate, inept, and unfocused.
Josh McRae is Nikolai Jakov
I wish I could say that we nominated the Ed. in Chief and other Cofounder of MTL Blog as Nikolai Jakov because he might be my (i.e. Archer’s) estranged/illegitimate father. But the real reason that Leila (a.k.a. Cheryl) and I pegged him as the former head of the KGB is ’cause he’s, one of the big daddies behind MTL Blog. Besides, it’s kinda cool how Barry took over the KGB after Nikolai was killed, and Josh co-founded that badass blog with Chuck.
Michael D’Alimonte is Woodhouse
It would be kinda hilarious if Michael was nominated as Woodhouse because he was in Beth’s employ to wait on my hand-and-foot, but as an Editor for MTL Blog, he doesn’t even work for the same outfit. The real reason that Leila nominated him is because, apparently, he’s a secret party animal. I’m just gonna take her word for it ’cause I kinda like the idea of this young lad being equated with a geriatric butler.
Mohamed Hamad is Ramon Limon
And last, but not certainly not least, Mohamed gets to be Ramon Limon because (1) he pops in and out of the Brendan & Brendan plot from time to time, and (2) I feel like I’ve had a bit of a bromance with him at moments. I wonder how he’s gonna feel about me saying that publicly, but I did just give him a link, so I’m sure that if enough of you go visit his site, he’ll forgive me…